My dreams may be getting weirder.
I was skydiving in Nepal. I landed near a wall and looked to my left to see a chap lying on his stomach. The wall collapsed, trapping us both. I awoke 150 years later to find that me and the man had been saved by a robotic supreme-being. It had an enormous head and glowing green eyes.
I had won the Nepalese lottery (the amount being the $640 million won in the American lottery a few days ago in real-life). But someone tampered with my ticket and I couldn’t claim. The only way to get my money was to make a fake ticket, which I could only do in a newsagents.
So I paraglided into a newsagents (in Nepal, shops have no roofs). But by this time the ticket tamperers were legion and I was again interfered with. The same thing happened in the next shop. All the newsagents were in a line running downhill. So if I failed in one, I’d run out the door and glide into the next. Again and again.
I was Kiefer Sutherland (probably in his role in his new show, Touch). A friend was robbing a hotel and asked if I’d like to help. I was desperate for money, so I did. In the hotel I found some money stashed in a hall. Then I spotted the police through the front window. I ran into the back garden (which was my real-life back garden) to see more police on the other side of the fence. I had a brainwave: if I lie on the grass with my hood up they won’t see me. Even in a dream that doesn’t work; they caught me immediately.
I got out on bail, though, and went into town. The council had softened the ground stones so people could bounce like Mario. I thoroughly enjoyed this, performing mid-air kicks to take my mind off my legal problems. I went into a jewellers. While looking at a jewel-encrusted pistol in a case, a woman beside me banged her daughter’s head off the glass for a laugh, and the glass shattered. A man ran up, grabbed the pistol inside the case and pointed it at me. He knew I was a robber and thought I deserved to die.
I didn’t die (I don’t know what happened). The police immediately dropped their case against me (this man’s gun charge somehow instantly cancelled out my robbery one). Free, I bounced off down the street to buy some CDs