Your Royal Updates

As the Duchess of Cambridge spends her second day in hospital, a nation, nay, a world, turns worriedly towards the internet, trembling as it searches for news of her condition, yet eagerly awaiting the evolution of the Royal foetus. Don’t worry, thy gentle Royalist, we here at, have got you covered. We’ve got the answers to all the big question concerning our future overlord.

Q1 – What is in Kate’s sick?
Our intrepid journalists have acquired some of the Duchess’ vomit and run extensive chemical analysis on it. There are elements of Jolly Ranchers in there

Q2 – Is a Royal baby birthed in the same way as a peasant baby?
The labour procedure for an important baby is surprisingly similar to that of a non-Royal, although a red carpet and trumpeteers will be involved.

Q3 – Will this be the only child of William and Kate?
An interview with the child is expected to air immediately after the Queen’s Message on Christmas Day 2013. During this broadcast the future king or queen is expected to reveal whether he or she is anticipating to be followed by brothers or sisters.

Q4 – Will this child be winged?
Initial reports are inconclusive, but our man on the ground expects to receive a copy of Kate’s 13-week scan, which may provide further information.


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